My stories, my life.

有时候每个人都以为完蛋了，怎么办，但都没想办法如何改变这个局面，我们可以操控自己的命运，你也可以。。。爱情也可以。。。可是更多人希望被命运操控，至少不会那么痛苦。。。

我曾经喜欢过一个男生五年，从我七岁开始，那时我以为只不过是玩玩，无聊，才可以去注意这个男生。但我越来越大，有自己的意识空间后，发现那不只是单纯的喜欢，那是爱。
我就这样默默地在他后面守候了五年，那是我五年级，开始叛逆，开始学坏，当然也开始迷上网络了。那是我姐姐介绍给我的网吧，我沉迷于它，几乎天天都去哪里，每天放学也去哪。突然又一次，我看到了他，他在网吧外，你猜我看到了什么？他在与一名男子抽烟，我并不介意，因为当时我也又迷上抽烟这个喜好，我很开心，但我知道我们不会有任何交谈，应为三年前应为一件事，我们都没讲话了，更何况，我再没有勇气面对他。忘了跟你说，他比我大两岁。至少我能看见他。
有一次，不知道为什么，我姐开始提供给他香烟，偷来的香烟，从我妈那里偷来的，我的那一分也给了他。我一直知道姐姐也喜欢他。当天，我偶然听见他跟我姐说他不喜欢我，我崩溃了，我明知道一直以来，我都是没机会的，可是为什么一定要用刀刺我心呢。为什么一定要那么坦白呢？当天，我用了一把刀，抵在我的手腕，我明知道很痛，但我却做了，一滴血流了下来，很痛，但，我的心更痛。。。从那天起我彻底的放手了，因为我觉得不值，为什么要为一个不爱我的人痛苦呢？当然我也不去网吧了，不想看到他，我也戒烟了，不想想到他。。。。虽然过了一年多了，手腕也因为时间久了，慢慢淡掉了，没疤了，可是那留在心里的疤都不会淡掉。。。爱情真可怕。。。

Sometimes each people all thought had been finished, how manages, but how all hasn't tried to find solution to change this aspect, we may hold control own destiny, you also may.。。Love also may.。。But more people hoped is held by the destiny controls, cannot at least that the pain.。。I have liked male student for five years, from my seven year old of start, I thought at that time was plays, bored, only then may pay attention to this male student.But I am more and more big, after have own consciousness space, not only discovers that pure like, that is a love.I like this silently waited for behind him for five years, that is my 5th class, starts the rebel, starts to fail to study, certainly also started to be infatuated with the network.That is my elder sister introduced for mine Internet bar, I sinks confuses in it, where nearly daily all goes to, every day is on vacation from school also goes.Once again, I saw suddenly he, he outside the Internet bar, you had guessed what I did see? He in smokes with a man, I did not mind, because at that time I also was infatuated with smoke this to like, I was very happy, but I knew we could not have any conversation, should be three years ago should be a matter, we all had not spoken, much less, I again did not have the courage facing him.Forgot to say to you that, he compared my tenth of a jin year old.I can see him at least.Once, why doesn't know, my elder sister starts to provide to him the cigarette, steals the cigarette, steals from my mother there, my that minute has also given him.I knew continuously the elder sister also likes him.At the same day, I accidentally hear him to my elder sister to say he did not like me, I collapsed, I clearly since knew, I all have always been do not have the opportunity, but has why certainly to use the knife to puncture my heart.Has why certainly that to confess? At the same day, I have used a knife, arrives in mine skill, I clearly know very the pain, but I have done actually, a drop of blood stream down, very pain, but, my heart pain.。。I thorough has dropped from that day, because I thought am unworthy, why had to be does not love my human pain? Certainly I did not go to the Internet bar, did not want to see he, I has also stopped smoking, does not think him.。。。Although more than a year, skill because the time has been also long, palely has fallen slowly, did not have the scar, but that kept in the heart the scar all not to be able to fall palely.。。Love is really fearful.。。