Okay, Yesterday my mom birthday.

THE END.

Okay, I just remember that exam is coming, not for me, but for my friends :D. So, wish you guys good luck for the bloody exam ;). The picture above read out all of you the mind right? HAHA.

JIAYOU JIAYOU !!!!

Stop thinking stop thinking.

Argh. I am JEALOUS !
I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school. I want go school, i want go school.

Ohmy, Seriously, Why am i so kind? People dont treat me like how i treat them, I still ..?
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

One day, I will get back things that suppose to be mine.

One day, Daxiong grown up, Doraemon cant hold his hand anymore :(

Stress, go away

Currently mood is okay, I found out that if i dont go think of those "Whatever Stress" thing, my mood will be normal, and not so easily uncontrol my emotions or suddenly cry like that. SO, Happy Kohkoh :) .


Some things, I only can take it as memory.
Some people, I only can take it as passer-by.

Today have a long talk or maybe,, quarrel with my mother.

Started on why i hate my mother's friend. Then until me. About my friend. I told her in my life, there is only few person i willing to sacrifice my life for, the person not her, not my sister or brother but my friend.

Cause in family this kind of thing, i already totally give up, all of you guys already force me to the end. And, the only thing until now i live is actually because of friendship, only this thing. Then my mother says, we are young, childish, we dont know who are the people we can thrust. But she dont know, I, I am alot alot mature, and i am sure about it. She also say why only for these few friends, she say i only 14, my life still got a long way to go.

Listen until this part, i dont know whether to cry or laugh. Then I say or maybe shout to my mother about i everyday stay at home she dont let me go out, how could i know new friend? If i still have no school to go, forever in my life, i have no chances already. Because, if i cant go to school, i cant know new friend, i need go back malaysia, and stay in that big house, maybe,, forever.

Some people treat you good, because you treat them good.
Some people treat you good, because they know how good you are.

These few days i have been reading a Novels. NAISE BOOK ! This book is being make to a show. I AM WAITING FOR IT! :D .

And i really want to slap my mother -.- She is fucking unreasonable, and she is a fucking liar. Only know how to threaten people. Childish. I rather die then listen to her. Tmd. Born me so what? Half of my life she throw me to child care, grandma, father's friend. I.. I REALLY ALREADY CANT CONTROL. One day i really will kill ! What i want actually is easy family. A father A mother and Sister brother. Everyday when i come back from outside, we eat dinner together. But.. :( WTF. Actually only want write what i hate about my mother, but write until so sad -.- KAO.

Be good enough to forgive someone, but don’t be stupid enough to trust them again.

2 Nights no sleep, because watching BLEACH & 步步惊心,, My dark circle is getting darker, :( . But until now i still not tired. DONT TELL ME,,, I ... Actually.. IS... A ... SUPER WOMAN ?! LOL . JOKE! Anyways, kinda sad :( . NOT SAD, but like something stuck at the chest there.

Someone told me before:

When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed.

But i remember SO CLEARLY :( And is getting clearer and clearer. I want cry but i wont. Because,,
Even there is thousands of reason in life to make me cry, I still have to find a reason to smile. Because this is life, The only thing I can do is make myself stronger.

Wish I think to much.

Already so late.. 3:19am . Dont know why, sitting in this dark room, flashing a lot of memories.
曾经的 朋友.
曾经的 欢笑.
曾经的 快乐.
曾经的 美好.
曾经的 梦想.
Friend.
Laugh-ness.
Happiness.
Good-ness
And... My dream.

Sometimes i thought i already..uh.. how to say... uh, mature. I thought i already grown up. But HAHAHAHA. I still so childish. Crying for all those stupid things or nothing. Sometimes i also dont know why i suddenly cry, even songs makes me cry. Because of the lyrics? Today i cry again, cause because of 家, 是每个小孩的梦想. Lyrics. I cry, well not really cry. Just tears suddenly come out. The feeling.. urgh. Home? I have one. But.. i rather i dont have.

Actually i not that kind of person that is very.. uh.. I like happiness. But i love quiet. I like to be alone but, i felt lonely. I like clean, but i love black. A lot of things, I REALLY JUST FUCKING DONT UNDERSTAND.

WHY..

WHYWHYWHY.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Went shopping with Evelyn yesterday at Jurong Point. And we went Sakae Sushi eat :D . Is FUN. EXCITED. AND SCARED(yeah, idk why .) . Anyways. Evelyn bought Two clothes one short one belt :). As for meeee, One short one clothes one belt . UHHHHHHHHHHH . Somehow.~ Very. uhhh. SHY. LOL . AND FUN .
My DaJie Come singapore today :) . Finally got back Laptop ~ . WOOOH . YEAH (Y) . First thing i do is on BLOG write :D . Long time neh write.

23th July

Went to CCK Meet RoystonErzi then take Mrt to Batok Meet BoJun, Royston Call Shen poh and VULGAR all come out, tell him faster come to meet them :D HAHA. Laugh like fuck. Then he came. Slack in Mac with them for awhile then JamesDaddy came, WITHOUT THE SUPER FUCKER FATPIG ! :( . So I curse Kimchi , Curse curse curse :D . Then go take 173 to Timah with JamesDaddy, RoystonErzi, BoJun, Shen Poh. We slack around Evelyn house there. AND FINALLLYYY She came :D. Then we go to BTPS funday lor. Sawed QiuYa, Liping, Jiawei, Fabian, Qiwei & more. LMAOs. Then walk around then decide go Clementi buy Koi. While waiting for bustop outside school, Sawed a girl who wear very epic to the funday, Realised it is ZoenTay. LMAOs. Last year she wer like artist HAHA. Anyways, Went to Clementi with Evelyn, James, Royston, BoJun. Then buy finish Koi, BoJun go meet his others friend. And the rest of us take 175 to WestCoast.

We sit at the rock there chitchat. :> . With Royston, the conversation seem funny :D . Then it is so hot that we went MacSonald sit. Eateateat, take pictures, Chat, Laugh, Facebook, Checkin. All all all those. Then we went out again. Royston and Evelyn went to climb the alot rope thing with slide the. I didnt climb, i just walk up the slide and cheated :D . Then Evelyn veryveryvery scared LALALALA. Then climb to the higher slide and slide. After that we went to play others thing, James walk to the Sea there. Then we play play play. SHUANG~~! HOT. Then we went to joined James seat at the rocks there. Listening. Then i suddenly felt, my life is better. Then HOT until cannot went to Mac seat again. When Royston know Jess coming, he was like "okay, wait untill she come then we HELLO JESS, BYE. " Cause we are going home liao . Then until end we went home. Take 176. Thats all :)

PS: ACTUALLY I WAS GOING TO SLEEP BUT I FORCE MY SELF UP TO WRITE THIS POST.

Until I am dead, you wont be alone :D . Thats what friends for.

6:33pm

22th July

Went to Queens'Dessert with Evelyn, Royston, Bo Jun and Shen Poh. Eat eat eat, Chat chat chat, Play play play. About 3pm, we went buy bubble tea and slack around the staircase, after that i went take 174 with Evelyn otw to Kimchi's house. Okay, I admit when i saw Evlyn with her other daughter and grandson i very Jealous -.- . TMD, HE TOTALLY FORGET HE SAY GIVE ME TWINS. And forget my Birthday. Wanna cry but pride make me stop :) . Then play with mini cars. HEHE, i like baby like that. Then CeciliaMommy come, so we back to normal. Then about six, I, Evelyn, and CeciliaMommy go take 174, Evelyn went home. Eat dinner with CeciliaMommy in Quesn'sDessert. Then we seat outside de staircase and listen to music. Went home after that ~


The rest of my life or until i am dead ?

10:45pm

21th July.

When to bubble tea shop meet Evelyn and Jess :D . Then we went to Hut, and Disiao HoongFeng Daddy and his Girlfriend Rachel :D So Cute~~~! Rachel's ear Blushing. Then we listen to music and then Jess went home. After awhile, I and Evelyn go to Queens'Dessert Eat GongZaiMian and LoMaiKai. Naiseeeeeeeee. After that we go Westmall go borrow money. And play Facebook on Mac. Then we go buy BubbleTea After it. Naissse Drink . Walkwalk to the Blk620 the carpark there. Chat with Evelyn alot things :D. Heart to Heart talk. We lie down on the floor looking at the sky :D . Cooling. I also understand alot things from Evelyn. HEHE. About 6pm we went home :D Meeting Tomorrow and i will clear things with Kimchi.

To 2People.
Eh, Mr, Dont think too much can or not. Talk to your girlfriend, seat infront of your girlfriend means he like her, you too sensitive or what. Say got proof, what proof? Sending love letters ? Or what ? Disgust me leh -.- . Everytime no trouble create trouble. And making Couples want break break like that -.- Fucking buisong you .

And Miss, Okay i know your boyfriend brainwashed you. But please think before you conclude oh yes that guy like me or not -.- You say he keep looking at you not his girlfriend so he like you, how do you know he looking at you ? Are you looking at him too ? So you like him ? LMAOs. Say alot things i dont know ? In you saying he keep looking at you i already know you two think too much -.- .

Thats it.

20th July My Birthday <3

The day before my birthday, i never thought i will be happy, I thought Kimchi Family will be there. I thought the people who will accompany me on my birthday is you guys. When i step out of my house to go meet Evelyn they all, I thought i will be meeting Kimchi Family. LOL. Obviously i am wrong. When i reach BasketBall Court Hut there, Evelyn and Royston pull me aside let me cant see what others were doing, but i know KimchiFamily is not there, Because i cant see Big size people there. About 10mins they pull me to the Hut there. On the table, it was a Cake. Wow, Thats my first reaction. Take pictureeeee. Smash Cake on Jennifer. HEHE :X . Then they give out the present, it was a BRA. I WAS WTF, serious ? I thought Evelyn was kidding LOL. C80 I where so big X( . Then we play True or Dare, then about 4pm we went to Blk620 Carpark and play Flour, Chasing each other. BOO. HAHA. After there is no flour left we seat down at the carpark chatchat, listen music, then Claudia go home first, Followed by Jennifer~ Then we went to KFC eat. Family Feast $29.90 NICE FOOD. FULL AND NAISE. Then Steffi Gone home and Hoongfeng gone home after that :) . The left of us go back to The hut there about 8pm alreadyy :> Then went home. It was tired but FUN :D .

I will never forget 6person forever. People who celebrate my birthday :D .
Evelyn, Claudia, Steffi, Royston, Bo Jun, Hoong Feng. Thanks :D .

Awhile more to my birthday, to 20th July. I thought i will be excited, happy like fuck. But no, not a single happiness LOL. Weird right :D. Maybe, Maybe because i am growing, becoming and adult. HAHAHA. I am thinking about my past, my memories, the good and bad, happy and unhappy. I will choose to grow up. Because i want to protect those, i cannot protect now the person. Like my mother, in her entire life, she stand on the top and fall to the bottom. I want to protect her and my friends.

Alot of people say before, When they are a child they wish so much to become a adult, to touch those underage cannot touch de. When they started becoming teenager, they wish they go back when they are small, young and no nothing. Pure. Thats the word. I was like that. Thinking why i cant smoke, why cant drink beer, why cant this, why cant that. And then i found out, those adults can do the things, Teenage can, is just want or dont want. It just will destroy your entire life.

快快长大..Joreen.

Dont know why i so piss for -.- . Fake until like this. Scold people also wont go see own mirror.

I'm a liar because I won't tell you everything. I'm stupid because sometimes I'm wrong. I'm ugly because sometimes my face isn't perfect. I'm a pushover because I like making people happy. I'm a loser because I'm not friends with your group. I'm fake because I'm too nice. I'm weird because I'm not like you. I'm fat because I eat when I'm hungry. I'm clingy because I don't like to be alone.Im sorry for being myself.

Actually, I am not sorry at all.

I dont know but it seems life a dream..No, Nightmare. My dream, my everything is gone. Now. Gone. Gone.Gone. Not sad at all, at start cry, but after that no, no nothing at all. The feeling is like despair. Already no hope. Why sad for ? :D . HAHA.

A memory last forever, never does it die.

Andand, I super hate bitches who status keep emoemo, say they slit here slit there, cry here cry there, want die want die like that. Ya, i did write those kind of status to get attention before, but now i then see how discusting, fake, i was before. And juniors from primary school asking me who i stead before, her stead, still say she P4 stead with a guy from french then french kiss with him -.- Like very show off like that. Fake. Get a life la bitch. And some people there jealous because of her boyfriend somehow "closer" to me like that. Although I never talk to the girl before -.- Gossip here gossip there. Younger then me so what, knn. My patience got limit. If you jealous you talk to yourself, no need go tell your "sister" . And gossip around like i want steal your boyfriend.

Today was kinda fun ? Spend all my money T.T I went to met Evelyn, Jess, Jennifer, James, JiaWei today . And went to Bukit Timah CC for the whatever speech. It was interesting, and fun. The most impression i have is to a Female Police Officer. The topic is Robing Rich and give to the poor, She did not agree to it as her job is a police. And is funny everybody is laughing :D . And more and more ? Oh, starting of the Toast Master thingy, We each of them was given a piece of paper and write whatever things on it and say the connection to speak. I wrote Dream, as i was thinking about my dream to be a famous singer or whatever, but i run to the back so i didnt say out my mind. Cause i was kinda nervous? And there is no connection in Dream and to Speak. So that is. Quite fun today anyway :)

Yesterday was much fun :) . Went to Lot 1 meet Evelyn & Chun enn . Seehhh. Then Chun enn went home. I and Evelyn went to Shopping :) Cotton on Buy Clothes :) . Keep changing and changing :D . Then we went to Clementi Mall :D We eat KFC then went to buy Koi :D . NICE . Meet Nik :D. And then went to Cotton on :D . Change Change Change Choose Choose. Evelyn not enough moneyy~ Called Leonard down to lend money xD . But in the end still havent buy LOL . Then went home. MY PHONE IS AT EVELYN THERE :( . Thats all :P .

I am happy :) Thursday, went to fishing with KimchiDaddy, CeciliaMommy, JamesBaichi, JessCutie, FreddyKe ai, LeonardGaoren. WOOHOOO (Y) . Fun you know ? :) . But no fish ah :( Then the ppl go give us smal small fish :D . Mine die :( . Friday, went Westcoast Park with same group of people without LeonardGaoren. LOL. Going become alamelu. :) . We fly kite, seat infront of the sea. Singsong (Y) I love there. :) . Yesterday went Westcoast Park with CeciliaMommy, JamesBaichi, JessCutie. :) Oh fun too :) . Stay there till late late, draw on sand those kind :) I in love with there. Thats all :)

I so Stupid. I know is a trap, i carefully dont drop in, but i jump in myself. WTF. How.. Very confused ehhh. I cannot. Wo bu ke yi. Now are good. But, i making myself deeper in the trap. I dont want to make the history repeat again. I HATE IT . 白痴.

想我还是不够成熟 还达不到你的要求
我真的没有想的太多 只是怀念 你走以后
离开 难道真的是解脱 难道真的要试过几次了以后才懂
倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
倔强抬起头 决不让眼泪往下流
倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
真的不难过 笑着和你挥挥手

Haiz. Two days bo go home lur... Wonder how is my mom. Will she worried? No she wont.. Never.. But this two days i laugh alot :D Credits to two people :D . ZaiZai and Leonard. Funny how i get to sleep in their house :> I 16 years old :P . Korean ppl :D . Parents at Australia. HAHAHAHAHA. Cute sehh . I saying myself :) . I just wish everything will be fine :).

Today was fun, except for a bitch who came across my line :) . Went to Bukit Timah CC help my Mother volunteer, uhh kids. Earn $20 dollars. Go meet friend :). One of my friend de friend, don't know what name start to kp me -.- . Say because i Malaysian so school kick me out, say i use Malaysian attidude in Singapore school. -'- . My problem she cares for what lurh. knn, if she not my friend's friend, i give her slap uh. Then i not happy, went to meet Huiling :) . Eat in QueenDessert. And then to Frolick eat. Picture, snapsnap :D. Then we went WestMall turn around, hahas. Then went to Staircase there listen music, singsong, snipsnap picture :) . i miss her :> . Went home about 8plus. Funfunfun. Ahh, looking forward to tomorrow :D . (Y) .

PS:Uh. I malaysian so what? You say because I malaysian so I kena expel, you say I use malaysian attidude in singapore school. Wey bitch, please ah, I four year old come singapore until now. I already forget about what malaysian things. You don't know then don't there kp.

Woops :D . My stomach cramp pain like fuck when i was on the way to meet Cecilia Jie :/ . But Cecilia Jie treat me good good :D . Help me put noodles on the scoop when i have no energy to take chop sticks. And i drink eat medicine :) . Then we went boonlay slack :) . With Cecilia, Evelyn, Jennifer. HAHA. Watch a Snake movie >~< . Scary but touching :> . Then when clinis take MC with Cecilia. HAHA. Macdonald after that. Then went homee, WOOHOO. Wished for tomorrow comecome.

HAHA, See that shoe? Cecilia's :D. Currently a Cecilia's house with Qi & Cecilia. Watching White Chicks :D. Just now we went to the shop beside Frolick. Yeahee. There is Cheap&Nice Food there. Will be going there tomorrow again :). Thats all.

Currently at Cecilia Jie's House :) . With Cecilia, XiaoQi, Cheryl & James . Watching Dracula :D . Below 18 no seee. Scary Uhh . Blood Blood. HAHAS . Actually today want go Chestnut Drive de. But the Fucking MsChua Don't [ick up My fucking Call. Knn, So today dont go. Before go to Cecilia Jie's house we went to Frolick eat :). Yummy. Then go her house, ICECREAM . Then SingSong in Cecilia's Room, :P . Later pei Cecilia go take MC . WOOHOO !~ Playplay. Zombie :/. 怕怕. XiaoQi Scared scared :D . HAHAS .

Sniffffff, i been cheated by my mother :( . She say today give me 40dollars de, only give 20dollars, ahhhhh :( . I still need pay cheryl the lenses moneyyyy, moneyyyy. I want monnneeeyyyyy! Uhhh, I going to have sore throat uhh, my throat very unwell :( . So today never go out.. Tomorrow go Chestnut Drive Secondary School uhh :( . Nervous, nervous >~< .

I thought is difficult to forget you, but actually, is really very easy. You should be relieve bah.. With me not loving you. Forgive me i not mature.
不爱你了.我以为忘记你很难.其实,要忘记你,很容易很容易:)我只是一个需要爱的小孩,原谅我不够成熟.

Yo, Currently at ahgor house using his computer . Now happy. 100% HAPPY. Because she kena disowned. Please la, whole group no one her stays, even ErZi . But now i w0nt hate her la . YES . AH yes !

Sniff, heya, LONG TIME NO POST le. Two more days to Science Exam. _l_ Quite scared siah.. Acids&Alkaline Acids&Alkaline Acids&Alkaline. Wtfff. Evelyn's birthday comingggggg. No money buy present! No present for her :D. LALALA.. Ah, Today MOTHER's DAY. Ytd go JP with Evelyn buy present liao ._. Broke diao liao. AHAHA. Ltr need study study. So long no school, will die de! :P

PS: 我很想你:/

Studying now :) . Woohoo . I so guai ! Yeah hee. Ah. Have so many things happen these days :( a little scared. Scared that everything will change . Haiz . >< . Ahhhhh. Stupid stupid >< .
Ps: Don't get it wrong , i didn't smoke, i take the picture funfun :)

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♥没有我在的日子...你过的好吗...
♥没有我在的日子...要好好照顾自己
♥没有我在的日子...要记得吃饱饱
♥没有我在的日子...要比我幸福
♥没有我在的日子...要比我还要还要长大
♥没有我在的日子...你幸福我不会笑你
♥没有我在的日子...你不幸福...我一定会嘲笑你
♥没有我在的日子...要记得一吃三餐
♥没有我在的日子...请忘记有我的存在

Ah:) happy . Quite happy ~~ currently at bubble tea shop. With evelyn jess Jenn :-)

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Plain life .

I have a plain life . Everything seems okay but something is changing behind it.. What makes it change ? Haiz ... Just wish everything is alright .

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Seriously. I don't want to live . Nobody cares me.

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I not happy.. I seriously not happy. since i join, i get more laughs.. but my heart is crying more.. I dont understand. Why rather believe in others then yourself ? .. Friends.. Is my only hope. and i dont wish my hope get destroy.. i really cherish this friendship, with all my heart. but why?.. it since so far now.. my hopes.

Is you say de, if need you call you.. now i need help, you hide. IHATEYOU luh. dont regret. DONT REGRET. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! what i do wrong. what did i do. why you like this. I only want to make things get better. i want my life back. 没遇见你就好了.. You dont like me then say, no need hide from me. JUST SAY. I.Hate.You.

I really love you.
Love so pain eh...I really love you but you don't believe. Ya, i admit at the start i am only just playing.. But i starting to more and more like you.. Even love you. But you don't believe, it makes me regret, regret at first place i because of lonely fake love you.... You now don't believe me.. You dont give me a chance... Is it the love i gave you make you too tired? 是你给了我希望, 也是你毁了我对你的爱.. I hate you for not giving me a chance, I hate you for all the gentle you gave her, I hate you for making waiting for nothing. I hate you so much. But i love you more... I have once try to give up, try to take other people as you. I tried to like other people. Every night i told myself, I don't love you anymore.. But the more i tell myself, the more i like you. I just can't resist. I really don't understand, is it i don't worth your love? 我到底哪里不好? Should i let go of you? i wish i could.. If you can walk into my heart, You will cry... Because inside my heart there is full of the sadness you gave me.. If i can walk into your heart, I will also cry... Because inside your heart there is full of your don't bother... I am so stupid, I thought i got a chance, I thought you will like me someday.. And it is only my wishful thinking..

Quite busy these days.. I really want to give up.. today have E3 gathering. not much people going >~<. we go LANLANLAN play blackshot & others. quite fun, blackshot :). thats all.

No wound, but heart keep aching. What exactly should i do to make you understand...Everything i do, is because you...are the person i care most?

understand my heart please.

Hongster never die.

only two hours. you got another girlfr. i should be lucky that i didnt put in too much serious. thats all. have a bath today in amy jie house, COLD. 小四, 对不起啦..求你原谅我>~< COCONUT:D anyway, i cant get over him. he dont reply my message, even he know. my heart pain, lala ar lala, when will you reply my message?..

You dont love me.

yeah, i am single. i guess he is not my cup of tea. today went boonlay with jess, go pet shop meet ahkor and cecilia jie. fun? I DRANK 4small cans of coconut drinks and 2 big cans of coconut drinks. i went toilet alot of times. But its okay, you want me drink, i drink :) iloveyou.

Believe or not? believe in myself, i dont know what myself are thinking. how to believe.. if i believe, i have to wait again, if i dont believe, when it happens, i will regret. so.. should i believe or not.

Coconut drink, i am in love with coconut drink. :D 小四, I love you :) . Thanks for being there when i need you, i love you ttm man!

secrets. everyone have. say out, less stress:)

today, okok, meet Evelyn, Jennifer, Cecilia jie, Amy jie, Xavier , and AHKOR. LOL . Fun luhh. I think i trying to forget him le.

My greatest wish? i wish i can fly.

i regret to ask. i am afraid to know the answer but in the same time, i want to know, desperately. i know i get hurt, but i still want to know. stupid right? me. I know. for you, i can do anything. but you just dont understand because you never even try to. boy, you are a bastard.

liar.. you are nothing but a liar. last chance.. you also dont want me to have it. you already stab a hole in my heart, now you stab again. how can you be so cruel?! use this to hurt me you, liar. liar. liar.

I admit, i cant forget you, but you wont be mine, you belongs to someone else. my heart pain you know? you know..? no, you wouldnt know. i sick of being so fake. i am sick of everything. why wont you give me a chance, why? i know i have nothing, nothing to make you like me. you tell me, i can change, i really can! but you dont even give me a chance.. you know what? my heart pains.. alot.

I have a bunch of nice friends :) Evelyn, Jennifer, Rebecca, Dawn, Eugenia, Cherly, Qifang, Aleefa, Joey, XiaoQi, YanFei, Steffi, Claudia, Ziying, Vanessa and lots who have waste their tears on me. I wont go back to malaysia, but.. i will leave that school, i will transfer :) i will visit you all often! one message one text i flew down! i want to say alot of things but i dont know how to express it. I LOVE YOU ALL!! i really do! I will miss you all. do miss me too.

You should have told me earlier. and you have a nice big warm hand :)

i lose, i lose. my future end here. i have nothing left, nothing. you take away my future, my everything. can you give me back?

just back. today, DC area again, but with an extra guy. not really bored liao. some fucking guy say i take his money. which i didnt. i dont care. slack with JJEHFCK at staircase. police come. a uncle report. first time get questioning. nothing happen. went home. i dun like him anymore, serious, i will never like a guy like him anymore, i wont so stupid go hurt myself again. why for? loving such a guy is like jumping in a hole which have no end. and is like in the jumping to the fire, knowing it is death.

i am useless. i am hopeless.

Just come back from school, yeah, i spent my whole day down the DC area. is bored, but i happy i am back. he is avoiding me, why? is you ownself say atleast can be friend, when i give up, when i already give up, you go remove friend from facebook, avoiding me, take me as if i am invisible. i already dont like you ler. is it i cant even be your friend? atleast friend.. i thought. my heart, it is already had a hole, i dont want more.

fake smile. really fake. i miss the old you. if times goes back, will you choose the same person again?

Tomorrow school, my feeling abit confusing, and scared? i scared being expel, i scared i will leave my friends, i scared i cant continue study. if i got one more chance, one more, i swear i will change, change everything i can, change to what the school wants. how i wish i was forever 12. how i wish everything can start all over again, how i wish i was never born.

There is a million things running though my mind.

This one week suspension happens lots thing . Make me feel more clear . I think i will be a good student . i think . i try . i wish . I try not to tio any case from school . I miss going back . i really miss . Anyyways . i dun like him anymore . guess he is too good , i not worth it . yeahh . i know i am not good , i have nothing to make you like me , and i understand . but ... 我不甘心 ! 我不甘心 ! why you can like so many ppl , but not me . yeahh , yarhh , you and me the distance really very farr , i also cant reach you . no point continue like you . you are too good for me .

Rebecca and Hoong feng stead :D .

Jennifer and Sean stead , break next day .

sometimes , things happen tooo fast that you cant even know why , how , when it happens . it just happens . i see how my frens smile slowly fade , how they manage to fixed it back with a fake smile , i want to know , when my frens strted to change . strted to hide . strted to put a mask on their face . and what makes them change . and why it happens ..

Friends ..

I LOVE HIM . YEAH , I LOVE HIM YESSS , I LOVE HIM , YES ! I LOVE HIM :) GOT PROBLEM ?

I am not perfect , but i will keep trying :)

Thursday:

Went go see movie with my father brother and sister , We watch 新少林寺 , the show made me cry , so touching .. This is the nicer movie i ever seen it , actually is only for 18 and above , but In malaysia mah .. who cares .